Rayanne Thorn is a regular contributor to intrepidNOW, the mastermind behind #TheGist. She writes about how to combat and leverage fear to your very distinct advantage…
Decision-making is a practice at which many of us are less than experts. It isn’t easy to have to make a choice, to select a direction when outcomes are uncertain. We often rely on our gut or our tenacity to be scrappy enough to get out of a mess we find ourselves in.
I have made a few decisions that cost me dearly. One, ultimately nearly cost me my life – more on that one later. Another nearly cost me my self-esteem. This is part of the story I tell today.
Not quite a year ago, I was approached via email, then phone by the CEO of a small software company with a mission to change the job search process for hourly-wage earners. I loved what they were doing and loved their message even more. I interviewed the CEO on my weekly radio show – so many great things to say, such a wonderful pursuit, to help others.
After nine weeks of travel, intensive learning, and thrilling work, I learned through a Skype video call that I and several other individuals were being “let go” from this company – the company I had just joined. I think “shock” would best describe my first feelings, but a pervasive sadness and disappointment soon took over. I had never been let go from a job before and I had never learned to love a job or team so quickly.
Why had this happened? What had I missed? I must have made a mistake somewhere along the way, it must have been me. 2014 will forever be marked as a year of heartbreak, my year of mistakes. I had left a job I loved for a job I thought I would love even more. Friendships had shifted and changed, some relationships impacted forever. And all of this only deepened the loss I had gone through from a broken engagement in January.
My Year of Loss
I pointed to all this loss as mistakes I had made, as the fault in my stars, just my fate. I must not be worthy of love, friendship, or a joyful, fulfilling career. And thus began a trepidation I had never known: the fear of making a mistake.
Interviews for new jobs were cloaked in this fear. Conversations with friends old and new were dripped with my inability to trust. And reconciliation with the man I loved was draped with what ifs. Fear, mistrust, and uncertainty are great debilitators. And debilitated I was, for months.
Getting Over It
I’m not sure I will ever be over it. I am sure I will carry the scars of 2014 with me forever. Conversations with friends and family were helpful. Many contemplative walks alone were necessary. And the love I felt from those around me, those I knew wanted the best for me, was imperative.
Last week, I married my true love and this week, I started a new job about which I am already passionate. These are my next chapters. And they will be lengthy.
Mistakes are for making
Someone once told me that the strongest parts of you are the parts that have been broken and then healed. If this were true, I would be pretty damn strong all over. I think the broken parts are the results of roads diverging in a yellow wood. We make choices, we move on. No stopping or standing allowed.
This is where we learn. This is where we grow.
- HR Latte: #WorkHuman – The Shift We Need - March 29, 2016
- HR Latte: Healthcare HR Check-up – Jay Kuhns, pt 3 “Technology Today” - March 28, 2016
- HR Latte Kicks off new Series: #Life with guest Derek Zeller - March 22, 2016