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Thursday 14 December 2017
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7 ways having a good marriage is like having a good job

Mike Haberman is a regular contributor to intrepidNOW, focusing on Human Resources.

Mike Haberman, intrepidNOW, HR

Mike Haberman

As I have reached another anniversary of my marriage I have found a lot of similarities that marriage has to working for a good company. I share these seven similarities with you below.

Seven similarities:

# 1- It begins with a courtship

In a good marriage you spend time courting each other. My wife and I dated for over two years before we married. We got to know each other before making a commitment. Companies and prospective employers should do the same. Obviously you don’t spend two years but I suggest you take more time before you make the decision. Get to know each other better before you say “I do.” I tell all my clients “Hire slow, fire fast.” It is important to be careful in your selection. Fortunately for me I have not had to do the “fire” part and if you select your employees more carefully you might not have to either.

# 2- Getting used to each other

Seeing someone first thing in the morning is a lot different than dating them. Having your new partner being grumpy, out-of-sorts, or bright-eyed and bushy-tailed before your coffee gives you a different perspective on who they are. Do they pick up after themselves? Do they assume things they should not assume? The answers to those questions reveal different people than you may have expected. Employees are the same way. Their work habits may not jive with yours. They may not be as neat as you are or may be an OCD neat freak that drives you up the wall. There is always a period of adjustment that everyone undergoes. Be prepared for it otherwise there will be a separation, aka turnover, coming soon.

# 3- Allowing learning and growth

When you get married, particularly if you are young, you will learn, grow, and change. Your partner will as well. If the two of you do not realize that and make allowances you will face many a difficulty. The person will not always be the exact person you said “I do” to on your wedding day. A new employee starting a new job will be the same way. Both parties should expect that there will be learning, growing and changing. There should be encouragement for that process in both a marriage and a job. If that process is not happening with both sides then the relationship will become stale and fail.

# 4- You have to enjoy each other

In today’s employment parlance this means you have to be “engaged” in your job. The more engaged you are the more you enjoy the relationship. It works the same way in a marriage. If you are no longer engaged in your partner you will dread waking up beside them and spending time with them. In a job there is nothing worse than waking up and dreading going to work because you hate the job. Same thing holds true in a marriage.

# 5- You must allow for mistakes

There is an old line that says “I don’t make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.” No one is perfect. People make mistakes, sometimes more than once. Marriage partners that punish the first failure are like companies that punish employees that make mistakes. You distance both and may eventually lose. In both marriage and in a job there has to be a big dose of forgiveness that allows the person to correct and learn from their mistake. There is no progress otherwise. It does not mean you forget the mistake, because if the mistake is repeated then the person is not learning and not a match for the relationship.

# 6- Overlook the wrinkles

The more time we spend with each other and grow old together the more you have to overlook the wrinkles that have developed. You may see another person that is more vibrant but you have to think “Is it worth it to replace what I have?” If you keep helping each other learn, advance, stay challenged and stay engaged you will not need to replace anyone. I find employers that want to quickly terminate an employee without really making an effort to be as distressing as a married couple who want to dump a partner without making an effort.

# 7- Celebrate

Today it is not in vogue to have long term employees. Authors who discuss the future of work, myself included, say you probably should not expect an employee to stay more than four years. If they stay more be happy. Although I say it, it saddens me. I think much of that is because the company does not keep the relationship interesting. Perhaps with the other changes that are occurring in the world of work we might be able to fix this.
Following these seven steps may make both relationships, with a spouse and with a company, a lot more pleasant experience and long-lasting.

(A version of this post originally appeared on HR Observations at Omega HR Solutions on December 18, 2014.)

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Mike Haberman

Mike Haberman

Co-founder and Senior HR consultant at Omega HR Solutions
Mike has parlayed his natural curiosity into a career as an HR professional, entrepreneur, consultant and academic. He loves to talk to people about what they do and how their businesses work. He has interviewed thousands of people from all walks of life and has found them all interesting. He has been a wrestler, rugby player and triathlete… with an emphasis on the “try.”
Mike Haberman

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Mike has parlayed his natural curiosity into a career as an HR professional, entrepreneur, consultant and academic. He loves to talk to people about what they do and how their businesses work. He has interviewed thousands of people from all walks of life and has found them all interesting. He has been a wrestler, rugby player and triathlete… with an emphasis on the “try.”


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